One of the few good things about living among the peasants in this strange new land is the startling revelations it provides into the mindset of these strange people, whose heretofore intrusions into the sane public square of the old country were unintelligible.   The social elite here (if you can call them that) have a distinct self-hatred in which they almost totally fail to convince the proletariat to participate with them.   Amongst the hazards of living out here is that many people actually take the Academy Awards seriously.

 

I suppose you could say that this was the first year I know someone who saw the Oscars “live”.   The soon-to-be Mrs. Angry Immigrant saw the spot lights over Hollywood from her apartment.   That’s as close as I’ll let her approach to those kinds of people.

 

This year was the triumph of the Goracle, the King Midas of self-hatred himself.   Everything he touched turned into small golden statues.   Pardon me, statuettes.   They can’t even spring for a whole statue, they only give out a partial one.   Cheapskates.   They must be spending the rest on carbon credits.   A man who spends all of his time telling other people how to live — and then utterly fails to come anywhere close to following his own advice – must have a healthy amount of self-loathing.   I can stand people telling me how to live – as long as they don’t actually expect me to pay any more attention to them as they do to my advice for them.

 

This week started scary, and is ending hilariously.   The Goracle was receiving adulation and worship from the rich line-readers and camera junkies that inhabit the butt-end of the US (the East Coast being much more face-like, and the Midwest being obviously both the brain and the heart).   The reverent silence that overtook the crowds of empty shirts was one of the times I’ve been truly frightened.   I’ve seen crowds of 800,000+ people hanging on every word of the Pope, and even those people were not merely taking his words “as gospel” – even though what he was discussing was literally The Gospel.

 

To see so many people with their ears open and their brains turned off was truly disturbing.   It was like watching credulous retirees on infomercials learning about how they, too, could win billions on the currency markets.   It pissed me off that Americans aren’t smarter than that.   I guess I can take comfort that more and more of the “faces” are foreigners, and therefore they aren’t my fault.

 

Fortunately a brilliant (though perhaps senile) foreigner has provided the true solution to catastrophic anthropogenic climate change (ok, I’ve hit my buzzword quota for this post).   As you’ve know doubt heard from (honorary-ish) Dr. Gore, there’s no way on Earth we can stop producing carbon dioxide fast enough to stop the catastrophe.   No way on Earth.

 

Thank God for aliens!

 

Former Canadian defense minister Paul Hellyer says that governments should be truly responsible and use the alien technology gleaned from covered-up crash sites to revolutionize terrestrial production and transportation within one generation, thus preventing (and reversing) catastrophic climate change!

 

That’s right – green bug-eyed monsters to the rescue.   Cold fusion.   Hyperdrive.   Impulse warp engines. Phasers.   The TARDIS.   Tang.

 

And no one can figure out why the rest of us think these people are crazy.

 

Mr. Gore wants to spend several trillion dollars on unproven ideas to reverse a condition that hasn’t even reliably been predicted, much less counter-acted.   He can’t even reliably bring down his own electric bill, much less the global temperature of the Earth!   He makes the Canadian look downright reasonable.

 

At least Mr. Hellyer wants to spend money on proven technology – his spacemen must have successfully traveled a long long way to get here.   Their propulsion and production tech must be steady as a rock.   Just avoid the landing systems.   Those seem a bit shaky.

 

Maybe we could trade them some Hollywood “faces” for their human zoo.   Those people seem to be taking up most of the resources.   Maybe we’d be a more “green” planet without them.   I think we should really look into Mr. Hellyer’s concept here.   Once he saves the planet he deserves some real recognition.   Maybe I’ll give him a statuette!

Advertisements