That least charismatic of all cult leaders Al Gore is secretly assembling a crack team of slightly more charismatic political consultants in an attempt to repeat their stunningly expensive and embarrassing loss in the 2000 race for President of the United Status. This time they hope to advance that record significantly, mostly by spending more money while still achieving the same result.

Captain’s Quarters has a write-up, following an article in the Telegraph. This same paper, it should be noted, is leading today with an article on the resignation of the lead coroner in the inquest into the autopsy of Princess Diana. This paper is just all about the upbeat.

Under the Climate Caliphate we can expect knee-jerk policies to anything a computer tells us will cause harm to penguins, polar bears, or poor brown people in loincloths on islands that only the rich can afford to visit. Instead of using its military and economy to decisively alter the course of rogue governments, we can expect the US to drive itself bankrupt through policies that decisively alter the course of our own booming economy and job market. That’s the way we once again “join our traditional allies” in Europe and move into the much-ballyhooed “modern age” of transnational global citizenship.

Many in the anti-Hillary camp are looking at Gore with the same hopeful (but unrealistic) gazes which were previously only bestowed upon him by those in the anti-capitalism camp. They’re hoping he’ll step up to do two things:

1) Squash all second-runners like Edwards and Obama.
2) Provide an electable alternative to Clinton who doesn’t have the intense negative baggage that she carries with her.

It’s ironic that Mr. Gore will likely be getting the bigoted vote in the Democratic party who are afraid of electing a woman, a black man, a former Muslim, or a crazy ambulance-chasing lawyer. Given their penchant for categorizing people by insignificant details of their history or genetics, I would imagine there are quite a few soft bigots in the party who will be ecstatic to see an old rich white guy for whom they can comfortably write a check, and tick a box.

Hollywood will likely throw in all of its remaining money into Gore’s pockets as a charitable donation to the Church of Socialism and Climate Change (also known as the “Church of the Restriction of Human Freedom and Liberty” ). This will create an amusing situation where the Democratic party actually has to decide between several bleeding-heart causes during its primary elections.

Part of me is happy that Gore is waiting until later to throw into the race. I’d love to see a return to the sanity of a shorter election cycle. If you stop feeding the political consultants, they might be forced into having a real job in the odd-numbered years.

McCain was trying the same “I’ll wait to announce” tactic, but at the rate he’s going he’ll be announcing his concession and support of Bill Richardson before he actually announces his campaign! The trick, John, is that you need some reason to be in the news despite having no campaign. Gore has his effort to personally contribute to Catastrophic Climate Change, Obama has his smiley-faced cast-of-“The West Wing” charisma, Fred (“Tough on TV Crime”) Thompson has his acting career, Ms. Clinton had her wife’s Presidency. All of these people had a sustained media push before their announcement.

On the conservative Republican front, Newt Gingrich is building steam towards a big set of policy initiatives at the end of September. I’m sure that it’s merely a coincidence that this would give him a massive publicity shot among the conservative political class just as primary season really hits big time. Will this mean he’s looking at a run for 1600? Naturally with his big initiatives he’ll be much too busy giving speeches and debating with the policies of the candidates to worry about such campaign features as… giving speeches and debating the other candidates… hmmm

It looks like there may be more people playing the late game than just Big Al.

One of the few good things about living among the peasants in this strange new land is the startling revelations it provides into the mindset of these strange people, whose heretofore intrusions into the sane public square of the old country were unintelligible.   The social elite here (if you can call them that) have a distinct self-hatred in which they almost totally fail to convince the proletariat to participate with them.   Amongst the hazards of living out here is that many people actually take the Academy Awards seriously.

 

I suppose you could say that this was the first year I know someone who saw the Oscars “live”.   The soon-to-be Mrs. Angry Immigrant saw the spot lights over Hollywood from her apartment.   That’s as close as I’ll let her approach to those kinds of people.

 

This year was the triumph of the Goracle, the King Midas of self-hatred himself.   Everything he touched turned into small golden statues.   Pardon me, statuettes.   They can’t even spring for a whole statue, they only give out a partial one.   Cheapskates.   They must be spending the rest on carbon credits.   A man who spends all of his time telling other people how to live — and then utterly fails to come anywhere close to following his own advice – must have a healthy amount of self-loathing.   I can stand people telling me how to live – as long as they don’t actually expect me to pay any more attention to them as they do to my advice for them.

 

This week started scary, and is ending hilariously.   The Goracle was receiving adulation and worship from the rich line-readers and camera junkies that inhabit the butt-end of the US (the East Coast being much more face-like, and the Midwest being obviously both the brain and the heart).   The reverent silence that overtook the crowds of empty shirts was one of the times I’ve been truly frightened.   I’ve seen crowds of 800,000+ people hanging on every word of the Pope, and even those people were not merely taking his words “as gospel” – even though what he was discussing was literally The Gospel.

 

To see so many people with their ears open and their brains turned off was truly disturbing.   It was like watching credulous retirees on infomercials learning about how they, too, could win billions on the currency markets.   It pissed me off that Americans aren’t smarter than that.   I guess I can take comfort that more and more of the “faces” are foreigners, and therefore they aren’t my fault.

 

Fortunately a brilliant (though perhaps senile) foreigner has provided the true solution to catastrophic anthropogenic climate change (ok, I’ve hit my buzzword quota for this post).   As you’ve know doubt heard from (honorary-ish) Dr. Gore, there’s no way on Earth we can stop producing carbon dioxide fast enough to stop the catastrophe.   No way on Earth.

 

Thank God for aliens!

 

Former Canadian defense minister Paul Hellyer says that governments should be truly responsible and use the alien technology gleaned from covered-up crash sites to revolutionize terrestrial production and transportation within one generation, thus preventing (and reversing) catastrophic climate change!

 

That’s right – green bug-eyed monsters to the rescue.   Cold fusion.   Hyperdrive.   Impulse warp engines. Phasers.   The TARDIS.   Tang.

 

And no one can figure out why the rest of us think these people are crazy.

 

Mr. Gore wants to spend several trillion dollars on unproven ideas to reverse a condition that hasn’t even reliably been predicted, much less counter-acted.   He can’t even reliably bring down his own electric bill, much less the global temperature of the Earth!   He makes the Canadian look downright reasonable.

 

At least Mr. Hellyer wants to spend money on proven technology – his spacemen must have successfully traveled a long long way to get here.   Their propulsion and production tech must be steady as a rock.   Just avoid the landing systems.   Those seem a bit shaky.

 

Maybe we could trade them some Hollywood “faces” for their human zoo.   Those people seem to be taking up most of the resources.   Maybe we’d be a more “green” planet without them.   I think we should really look into Mr. Hellyer’s concept here.   Once he saves the planet he deserves some real recognition.   Maybe I’ll give him a statuette!