You’re in the wrong line of work. I know this because there is a fabulous career in research waiting for you in Antarctica where the sun stays hidden below the horizon in a night that lasts from June until September. Wait! Wait! There’s more! Just yesterday the base at McMurdo received part of its last shipment of supplies for about 90 days, which included 16,500 condoms. Did I mention only 125 people will occupy the base for the next 90 days?

Thats right, 16,500 condoms are being delivered to a base in Antarctica populated by a mere 125 scientists. There are less than 90 days until the next resupply. Given those numbers that’s 132 condoms per individual. Given the use of these… ahem, items, this number is more like 264 per person. So the suppliers are estimating these scientists will be getting laid about three times per day.

That’s an awful lot of “science” going on…

Liberal, progressive, and welcoming they may be, but apparently even Seattle has its limits.

As is usually the case, there are competing sides. The mean-spirited public authorities maintain that:

[T]heir seating staff had acted appropriately, and the couple was approached because of their behavior – which included „making out“ and „groping“ in the stands – and not their sexual orientation. „We have a strict nondiscrimination policy at the Seattle Mariners and at Safeco Field, and when we do enforce the code of conduct it is based on behavior, not on the identity of those involved,“ Mariners spokeswoman Rebecca Hale said earlier this week. In the release, the Mariners said the women were told they could continue to kiss, but that they had to „tone it down.“

„The women refused to modify their behavior, began swearing at the seating hosts and complained that they were being singled out for their sexual orientation,“ the club said.

The code of conduct – announced before each game – specifically mentions public displays of affection that are „not appropriate in a public, family setting.“ Hale said those standards are based on what a „reasonable person“ would find inappropriate.

Meanwhile the ball-crossed lovers aver:

Guerrero denied she and her date were groping each other, saying that along with eating garlic fries, they were giving each other brief kisses.

The usher, Guerrero said, told them he had received a complaint from a woman nearby who said that there were kids in the crowd of nearly 36,000 and that parents would have to explain why two women were kissing.

So who’s right? Is this just another case of jack-booted establishment thugs coming down on the Sapphic Sisterhood? Or is it another case of people showing no concern for others while whining that we all avert our eyes from their grossly inappropriate public behavior?

Or is it something else: a simple failure to communicate. Perhaps this is one of those stories where both sides are “right” in that both are telling the truth from their perspective. What seem like “innocent kisses” to the involved parties might well seem like “making out” to some watching. Which is why we should err on the side of restraint in public displays of affection—especially at “family events” like ball games.

The same may be true about the couple’s response: they saw themselves politely disagreeing with the stadium official, and he saw them as belligerent and uncooperative.

In other words, perhaps this is just another situation where officials need to be polite and sympathetic but firm, citizens need to be willing to overlook minor momentary infringements of their rights, and—most of all—both sides need to get over themselves.

As for what should be appropriate in public, let me throw this out for debate and discussion:

Public behavior should be PG, PG-13 at the worst. And if you’re around lots of young children (near an elementary school trip, etc.) I would say that G should really be the idea. Generally, however, PG. So a brief kiss or hug, or hand-holding is fine, but heavy petting is really right out…

The point is that people do have a right not to be offended needlessly in public places. That right’s not absolute, and it shouldn’t be used as an excuse to trump basic human rights, but it does trump unnecessary voluntary behavior. If you want to engage in risque behavior, go to a venue set aside for that: there are many.

(Hah, now that should start a discussion!)

Hello, Angry Biologist here! While this blog was ostensibly created so that I could write rants along with my fellow Angry Men, as I kind of inspired the whole Angry Man Blog idea, I’ve been too busy watching pterodactyl porn for the last two years to actually write a rant! No really, in all seriousness I’ve been campaigning for a very important organization that I want you all to be aware of, it is called NAMALA, the North American Man Amphibian Love Association.

NAMALA is a group in the spirit of the American Way, Freedom, and Equal Rights for everyone. We work to provide a support group for interspecies relationships, and advocate sexual freedom for everyone! Why stop the laws at allowing gay marriage. What about people like me who have developed close intimate relationships with amphibians. Why don’t I have the right to marry the person or frog that I love? Why am I denied this freedom? Who will champion my rights? NAMALA, that’s who.

As a long time frog lover, I feel that what a consenting adult and amphibian do in the confines of their laboratory is no one’s business. But NOOOOOooo! I have to file papers with IACUC, and would you believe that writing up “sex” as the protocol you are going to use with an animal usually gets rejected!?!? Don’t even get me started on PETA. For folks who “love” animals, they certainly don’t love people who love animals. But one day, hopefully soon, we at NAMALA will win our fight against oppression and be free to enjoy hot frog on man action whenever we want. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some… uh… experiments to run… yeah, that’s it!

*RIBBIT*

Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez called for a new phase in his Bolivarian Revolution today, calling on the revolution to extend to a new sector — escort services. “The President of the United States, better known as `The Devil’ and his illegitimate junta have extended their war of oppression to fight those who desire only to meet their most basic of human needs. The need in question here being a $80,000 prostitute,” President Chavez noted, to a screaming crowd, most of which will never see $80,000 in their entire lifetime. “It would take a psychiatrist to analyze the Bush regime’s motives in this regard,” noted Chavez. “They sic their attack dogs on anyone who might even think about opposing their wars of unbridled imperialist aggression,” oblivious of the fact that the Bush administration had nothing to do with Eliot Spitzer’s recent fall from grace.

“But the recent sins of the Bush junta have given me a chance to think and reflect on the future of Venezuela,” he continued. “I have never thought about the role of the escort industry in the Bolivarian Revolution, but now after Bush’s latest atrocities, I realize that the revolution must also be extended to this sector. To this end, I have recruited 10,000 Venezuelan escorts to provide the highest quality of services to those who feel a need and can pay in hard currency. To those in America who face a regime which deprives them of their basic freedoms in this regard, I say: Come. Come to Venezuela where you can be free of imperialist oppression. I personally invite Gov. Spitzer to join us. Besides, our girls are much better looking anyway.”

As President Chavez waved farewell to the cheering crowds, he made the following off-hand remark, “And just to show what a nice guy I am, I also invite President Uribe of Columbia to join the Boliverian Revolution in escort services. I think he needs to loosen up a bit.”