WASHINGTON (AFP) – Things in Washington seem to be quiet at last after the last day’s worth of events. Shortly after the statement of John Smith from London, a 1950’s era police box appeared on the White House Lawn with an army of Cheney clones ready to open fire. At that moment a crack force known only as the Wolverenes lead by actor-cum-badass Chuck Norris dropped via parachute onto the lawn to engage the clone army. Obama sycophant David Axelrod was at the scene preparing babies for Cheney’s consumption. He says:
“We were all forced to do horrible, unspeakable things at the hands of President Cheney, lest we be shot in the face by the clone army. Suddenly the clone army assembled as a 1950’s era British police box appeared out of nowhere on the lawn. Immediately thereafter, Chuck Norris’ crack team showed up and engaged the army in a wicked fight. That man’s chief export is pain, but I doubt that he knew what a machine Dick Cheney really was. Anyway, in the midst of the fighting, this John Smith fellow and some woman I couldn’t make out slipped out of the police box and headed for the Oval Office. Since I had recently finished soiling myself, I followed on hands and knees to see what was happening.”
Accounts from this point differ, but it appears that Mr. Smith confronted a well prepared President Cheney in his office fortress. After capturing Mr. Smith in a sonic net, President Cheney took the opportunity to gloat:
“Leave it to a foreigner to send an alien to fight me! To slothful to fight their own battles in Iraq or Afghanistan, even now as I cement my reign on this planet, they cannot be bothered to fight for themselves. I look forward to consuming their bloated, decadent flesh, as I will consume yours, Doctor, for I know who you are.”
According to Mr. Axelrod, Mr. Smith then responded,
“I think not Dick, or can I call you Richard, you know I’ve always preferred the name ever since I met Richard the First, great chap. Anyway, where was I? Oh right, stopping you from taking over the earth.”
Mr. Cheney replied:
“And you will do this how?”
Mr. Smith responded:
“First, your sonic net is no match for my sonic screwdriver, and second, I was just trying to distract you while she hit you over the head.”
At that point, Senator Hillary Clinton hit Mr. Cheney over the head with what appeared to be a copy of Ann Coulter’s latest book, Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America. By the time Mr. Cheney recovered consciousness, his clone army had suffered a viscous beating at the hands of Chuck Norris, a man who does not get frostbite; rather he bites frost. Mr. Cheney immediately triggered his teleportation device and oddly forgoing the usual “I’ll be back” speech, returned to his waiting spacecraft and left earth. By this time the mysterious Mr. Smith and his more mysterious police box has vanished.
A spokeswoman for Senator Clinton said she’d be spending some time away from Washington, looking at the stars. Besides, the Senator noted, there may be some world that really would want her to be president.