New Plan For Birthers

Hola muchachos! It’s your hombre-in-chief, Angry New Mexican here. I stumbled upon this article the other day, which explains why requests for Obama’s birth certificate is starting to have a non-trivial cost on the government of Hawaii. I shared it with my fellow angry men and they had some better ideas than just making it illegal — charging the birthers to for their requests. Angry Overeducated Catholic, explains it all using his usual wit.

Angry Overeducated Catholic

I agree with the proposal to turn birthers into a profit center; this seems to be a no-brainer. It’s not even an ideological or political issue—agencies regularly charge reasonable recovery fees for FOIA requests, and rightly so.

Processing documents is expensive…even if, as I’m sure is the case, the birth certificate is in a special file near the main desk since it’s requested constantly…

The thing that gets me is, why the heck do people keep requesting the documents? If you weren’t satisfied with Hawaii’s documentary standards the first 100 times, what do you expect to learn from the 101st? If Hawaii was snowed by a crafty foreign devil and his bewitched American sugar momma and gave a birth certificate to a shift foreign-born baby, what can you possibly learn from the birth certificate that will substantiate that? There’s clearly no smoking gun, or the first 1000 folks would have found it.

(It would be like constantly pestering the USAF to re-release the Project Blue Book documents. Not the real, super-secret ones proving alien life, you understand, but the same ones they’ve already released that you didn’t like. Again, and again, and again.)

Hey, birthers, move along! There really is nothing to see here! The princess is in a different castle!

But, as others have pointed out, they have every right to request it, and Hawaii has every right to charge them each a $25 processing fee. Heck, waive the fee for Hawaiian residents who have made less than 10 requests in a year. And waive the first 10 fees for any given document, if you are really generous. But by all means if thousands of dumbasses keep requesting the document they’ve already viewed on the Internet a million times, make those idiots pay!

 

Statistics + Internet = Awesome!

The Economix blog over at the NYT turned me on to how the Midwest is the “Beer Belly” of America, where bars outnumber grocery stores. You see, the folks at floatingsheep.org have done all sorts of exciting things, such as the awesome “pizza map” which shows whether your region prefers pizza, guns, or strippers. I was very surprised by the small number of Southerners who liked strippers. But Angry Overeducated Catholic put me straight…

Angry Overeducated Catholic

Well, remember that this doesn’t really show that Southerners don’t like strippers…only that they like guns (or pizza) more.

Also, we should always remember that one stripper can “service” a goodly number of customers, and strip club customers may not mind driving for 20-30 minutes to the club, since they plan to spend hours there….thus we should expect pizza places to be more numerous, because nobody wants to wait an extra half hour for pizza (except Chicagoans)…

The real apples to apples are strip clubs to gun shops, as:

• both have obsessive customer bases which love to spend hours and hours at the establishment and have a significant subset of “creepy” customers
• both cater to both the weekend regulars and the once-in-a-blue-moon customers
• the once-in-a-blue-moon customers usually need some handholding and instruction in the etiquette of the place
• both employ security…for obvious reasons
• both are subject to harassment and busybody cops
• both tend to be located on the sketchy outskirts of town (okay, that’s true for pizza places frequently too)
• both are defended vehemently by ideological purists who would, quite frankly, be horrified by a large subset of the actual customers

 

It Feels GOOD to be Right

[I have been gone for some time, and perhaps the loss of lackluster McCain and subsequent abandonment of “moderate” Barack Obama to the machinations of Pelosi, Reid, et. al., affected me more than I knew. But if so, Brown’s victory has revitalized me! Or, equally likely, I was just a lazy ass who got distracted and wandered off for no good reason and am now back, again for no good reason. Your choice, I guess. — AOC ]

Back in the summer of 2009, while celebrating a notable birthday of a good friend, I was chatting with two of the birthday boy’s very liberal, very activist friends. They were naturally overjoyed by Obama’s election (and, in fact, by Biden’s selection—being that rarest of things: Biden groupies), and were certain it was just the start of a sweeping demographic and electoral shift to a permanent progressive majority. Not unlike our own Angry New Mexican (well, except for ANM’s odd infatuation with Her Thighness and low opinion of our President).

Having had some of the same experience a certain number of years before (remember that coming permanent Republican majority?) I expressed skepticism. I told them that the Democrats had arrogantly assumed that the electorate’s mandate for reform and fiscal responsibility was a mandate for sweeping progressive changes, despite the massive evidence to the contrary. And the public was, I told them, becoming angry at this apparent disconnect and the apparent arrogant disregard for Main Street’s traditional center-right views.

They were scornful, and in the fullness of time we made a little bet. In our conversation, we had each agreed that the GOP would gain some seats in the House during 2010, but not enough to pick up a majority. But we disagreed on what would happen in the Senate in 2010. So I bet that the GOP would pick up enough seats to end the super-majority (but not retake the Senate) and my counterpart bet that the Democrats would pick up at least one additional net seat, increasing their super-majority. We agreed to a push if things remained 60-40.

I’m not going to assume victory just now, as there’s plenty of time for the GOP to screw up or for the Democrats to get their act together, but I have to say that my fine dinner at an excellent restaurant on my liberal acquaintance’s dime is looking pretty solid. And, even more gratifying, for the reason I mentioned: the sheer arrogance and incompetence of the Democratic leadership. (The mirror image, to be fair, of the Republican arrogance and incompetence that lost the GOP the whole shebang in 2008.)

Witness Brown, a moderate, country-club style republican in the mode of a McCain or Olympia Snow, become a rallying point for libertarian and Tea Party money. And doing it not by concealing who he is, but by emphasizing who he’s not. He is a moderate, center-right guy, he is not a progressive lackey of Pelosi and Reid. That was enough, even running for Ted Kennedy’s hereditary seat in Massachusetts, and it will be enough for lots of other folks in the elections to come. Unless the Democrats change course—which they won’t (as a party, at least—many of the reform-minded Dems who ran in 2008 may take action to remind folks why they got elected, and that’s a good thing).

Oddly, this could all actually end up working out well for Obama in 2012, if he sees the writing on the wall and, like Clinton before him, reinvents himself to be what folks like Angry Midwesterner assumed he was in 2008: a fiscally responsible reform minded candidate who wants to change a broken corrupt system. As I said at the time, he really did have an historic opportunity to accomplish great things, if indeed he was the moderate reformer he claimed to be.

Conspiratorial folks might even whisper he was always that and this was all a grand scheme to depose Witch Queen Pelosi and Crown Price Harry from their thrones…but I think that misses the true tragedy. Obama was always both a reform minded candidate and a progressive true believer. He was seduced into believing that the 2008 election had given him the historical opportunity to move beyond simple reform and enact the Second Bill of Rights of his hero, FDR. He thought he could follow through on Saul Alinsky’s goal to radically transform society without all the blood and revolution and slaughter of the enemies of the people. So he allowed himself to be used by Pelsoi (another true believer) and Reid (a corrupt bastard) in a shameless attempt to grab power over most of the American economy (by effectively nationalizing the financial, heavy industrial, and medical industries). For our own good, of course.

And now, the people have reminded him that that’s not really what America is all about. Perhaps now he can refocus on doing the things that really do need to be done and that he said should be done: bringing transparency and fiscal responsibility back to the Federal process, finding a way to keep health care affordable for the average American without breaking the economy, restoring America’s image around the world, and working with our international partners to help spread prosperity and rule of law wherever we can. Those are truly great goals, and worthy of real bipartisan effort.

Which we may now, finally, actually get.

 

The Scandal of Mark Sanford (and the Republican Descent into Madness)

Let’s be honest – regardless of what label one applies to him, Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) manages to make that entire group look bad. In case anyone wanted a list of his potential rules violations, the NYT has cordially provided it. My favorite highlights are included below
These include:

–Approval of the purchase of four first- and business-class commercial airline tickets for a June 2008 trip during which he met with his mistress in Argentina.

— Personal use of state-owned aircraft for trips such as the birthday party of a campaign contributor in Aiken, and flying from Myrtle Beach to Columbia for a ”personal event,” including a haircut.

— Reimbursing himself nearly $3,000 using campaign contributions, including about $900 for expenses to attend a Republican Governors Association meeting in Miami and a hunting trip in Dublin, Ireland, several days later.

As Angry Diesel Engineer astutely noted: “What an idiot! You can’t take the gubernatorial helicopter to Supercuts, because your new do will get all messed up when you get back in the thing!”

The bigger news is that my good friend Angry Overeducated Catholic has begun his descent to madness. Rather than condemning Sanford’s inability to follow the laws of the state he governs, AOC has been reduced to shouting “ZOMG Democrats are teh sux0r!” Witness gems like:

AOC on Sanford’s purchace offirst/business class tickets to meet his mistress:
Note that this would apparently have been legal if he’d flown coach. (Or used his own money, naturally.) Well, or, let’s be honest, if he’d been a Democrat, although possibly only if he’d also chartered a private jet instead.

AOC on Sanford’s personal use of aircraft:
Of course, again, all of this is legal and standard for Democratic Congressmen. Remember the giant Midwestern funeral which was also a giant Dem campaign rally! Sadly, poor Sanford had the bad sense to join the wrong party for those without ethics.

AOC on Sanford going to Miami, and Dublin on campaign funds:
That is odd, since you’d think that attending the Governors Association would generally be covered by good old taxpayer funds, as it is in states where Democrats are governors. But he might also have used monies or goods provided by a “good friend”, another SOP across the aisle. And a decent Democrat would certainly have successfully argued that a trip to Ireland was for “economic development” for his state (hey it works for Daley).

So, as I suspected, Sanford’s real crimes: being a Republican and an asshat. Fool that he was, Sanford forgot to switch parties before defrauding folks and sleeping around. Bad for him, but good for us, since he got exposed, deposed, and now indicted…none of which would have happened to Gov. Sanford (D).*

*Well, he might have resigned. I should be carefl here, as some Democrats actually do resign when their shady deals are exposed. I’m just presuming that since this guy was such an asshat, he wouldn’t have done the right thing even when outed. Instead he would just emulate Kennedy, Jefferson, Clinton, Frank, Reid, etc. and bulled on through.

Though Republicans are chomping at the bit to eviscerate each other for being insufficiently conservative, evidently flagrant ethics violations only get a “But Democrats are worse!” It’s just one of those reasons why the Republicans are headed into permanent minority status. Well, that, and assclowns like Tom Tancredo who make hating mis amigos an article of faith. You know, just like the Anglo Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself; unless, of course, he is a filthy Mexican.”

 

For All You Gangstas: A History of Holding Your Gun Sideways…

The folks over at Slate have written up a history of holding your gun sideways. As you might have expected, the Angry Men added some interesting commentary.

Angry Military Man
Unprofessional jackasses. This is one cultural trend that seriously pisses me off, I had a devil of a time trying to teach people how to properly hold a fucking pistol. They were always trying to be gangsta.

Angry Overeducated Catholic
But AMM why does this annoy you? I mean, I understand that this idiocy by your students annoyed you, sure. But how is this outcome anything but welcome:

As police chased Raymond “Ready” Martinez through Times Square on Thursday, the street hustler and aspiring rapper fired two shots, holding the gun sideways “like a character out of a rap video.” According to the New York Post, Martinez’s side grip caused the gun to jam, enabling police to shoot and kill the suspect.

By all means, let’s do whatever we can to encourage this sort of poor gun control by our criminal classes. If they’re going to abuse their rights, at least let them abuse them in a way that minimizes their danger to others and maximizes their danger to themselves.

I want a lack of professionalism in my would-be professional criminals!

Angry Immigrant
In that case…

I would like to propose a new gangsta style grip that involves holding the pistol upside down next to the head, barrel pointing forward. This would allow the spent casing to bounce “awesomely” off of the temple of the shooter, signifying toughness and promote true “def” style hearing loss.

Sighting the barrel directly next to the eyes should maximize the shooter’s conception of aiming accuracy, as it brings a point-and-shoot cyborg mentality for the shooter.

This new all-def method makes no claims of actual accuracy improvement. In case of a gun jamming, this may cause grievous explosive injury to the shooter, but that’s the risk of being tru-4-life.

Angry Libertarian
We can do better and have.

A suspect in the rape and armed robbery of several woman in River Forest accidentally shot himself in the head during a police chase Monday night in Oak Park. The suspect died several hours later.

Angry Overeducated Catholic
Well, yes, but of course in this case do we have any certain knowledge that he was in fact holding his gun when he shot himself in the head? There may have been a little officer-assisted suicide going on…this is River Forest we’re talking about.

On the other hand, it’s pretty clear that this guy was one of the dullest knives in the drawer. Of course there’s the inevitable tagline in modern America:

Patillo had convictions for aggravated unlawful use of a fire arm and drugs. He was paroled April 25 from the Sheridan Correctional Center.

Gosh, a parolee is released and within a year escalates to even more dangerous and violent offenses? What a shocker!*

Be interesting to find out whether this guy was off as part of Governor Quinn’s early release programs to save money…apparently they’re quietly releasing increasingly dangerous types because of funding issues.

Yippee!

*Note that this crap also makes the lives of actual reformed ex-cons even harder. Now that everyone knows that parole is a “get out of jail to rape and murder for free” card, there’s even less chance given to actual honest parolees who earned their parole through actual reform. When you make an earned privilege a natural right, you cheapen it 9 times out of 10.

 

Angry Man of the Week: John Brown

John Brown: Angry Man of the Week

This court acknowledges, as I suppose, the validity of the law of God. I see a book kissed here which I suppose to be the Bible, or at least the New Testament. That teaches me that all things whatsoever I would that men should do to me, I should do even so to them. It teaches me, further, to “remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them.” I endeavored to act up to that instruction. I say, I am yet too young to understand that God is any respecter of persons. I believe that to have interfered as I have done as I have always freely admitted I have done in behalf of His despised poor, was not wrong, but right. Now, if it is deemed necessary that I should forfeit my life for the furtherance of the ends of justice, and mingle my blood further with the blood of my children and with the blood of millions in this slave country whose rights are disregarded by wicked, cruel, and unjust enactments, I submit; so let it be done!”
-John Brown’s Last Speech, November 2nd, 1859

As men go, John Brown was sure Angry. And the source of his anger was a righteous one. The utter barbarism that the “civilization” of what would become the treasonous Confederacy was based on: Slavery. After the murder of Reverend Elijah Parish Lovejoy by a pro-slavery mob in Illinois in 1837, John Brown had found his cause and the meaning that would define his life. He is reported to have vowed publicly,
“Here, before God, in the presence of these witnesses, from this time, I consecrate my life to the destruction of slavery!” There are few purposes more noble for an Angry Man.

Yes, he committed treason in his raid on the federal armory at Harper’s Ferry. But a little thing like “treason” didn’t stop certain losers and douchebags from idolizing the Confederacy. And even if you have the stars and bars in your bedroom, you still have to admit John Brown was twice the man Jefferson Davis ever was. As this week commemorates the 150th anniversary of Brown’s raid, we have chosen to dub him Angry Man of the Week.

My good friend, and fellow hater of Confederate swine, Angry Overeducated Catholic, had a good comment to add to my rant. I reproduce it here in full:

John Brown was a wackjob murderous fundie, but he did have a point. And he did manage to inspire additions to a kick-ass song that provided a marching cadance as the farms and cities of millions of traitorous losers were deservedly burned to ashes. Hip, Hip, Hip, Hip, Hurrah!

(Best verse, though, has nothing to do with either John Brown:

They will hang Jeff Davis to a sour apple tree!
They will hang Jeff Davis to a sour apple tree!
They will hang Jeff Davis to a sour apple tree!
As they march along! )

Glory Hally Hallelujah!

 

A Liberals’s Declaration of Faith

When I wrote my last post, I challenged the other Angry Men to write a version of the creed for liberals. AOC responded with this work of excellence. Enjoy – ANM

Do you accept Obama? I do.

And all his progressive works? I do.

And his promise of true hope and change? I do.

Do you believe in Liberalism, the One True Philosophy on this godless earth? I do.

Do you believe in Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the New Dealer, who was born of Theodore Roosevelt, was crucified by reactionaries, defeated Nazism, grew the Federal Government, and is now enthroned in the Progressive pantheon? I do.

Do you believe in JFK, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, the holy Great Society, the utter destruction of right-wingers, the non-existance of personal sins, the regulation of industry, and life under government management? I do.*

* See, it’s even positively Progressive! Hey, I even know Progressives who would agree to this without reservation! (No, seriously.)

 

Note to the Brits: Stop Hating Freedom

Guess who it is again? That’s right it’s Angry New Mexican, your hombre in chief. Evidently Angry Overeducated Catholic has turned his pen against Her Majesty and the people of the United Kingdom. Stuff like this always reminds me of God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols. Anyway. Enjoy the song and rant.

Angry Overeducated Catholic

Hey, Brits, no need for the Queen’s Police State to add another level of cameras and soul-crushing pointless legislation to stop this. I know your natural tendency is to solve problems by removing more freedom and increasing state tyranny beyond anything Orwell thought about in 1984, but just take a second here.

Possible cause/Possible Solution:

P: Parents too poor to buy proper outerwear.
S: How about having some jackets/coats available at the nursery? If other parents express jealousy, point out that being jealous of folks too poor to buy coats for their kids is a little hard hearted even for the English.

P: Parents too stupid/careless (“busy”) to dress kids properly.
S: Keep child inside during playtime, force child to perform horrid tasks like developing mind or doing homework. Send note home to parents explaining in very simple terms that dressing kids properly is kinda their job.

P: Parents dressing kids in ridiculous overpriced clothing which the kids are terrified of ruining.
S: Mix of the previous two, combined with perhaps a recommendation that owning overpriced items the owner is terrified of using for their express purpose should properly remain restricted to idiot adults, such as the parents in question.

But really, laws? Regulations? Is that the answer, Britain? These parents, stupid as they are aren’t criminals… …Ah, wait, that’s the problem, if they were criminals you’d let them crap all over everyone, just as you allow muggings and robberies to go on in front of police officers without intervention. Never mind. Clearly these stupid law abiding parents require fines and jail time to remember that they’re supposed to be anti-social scum dedicated to the destruction of English society.

Carry on.

 

AOC Takes On Insurance Companies

Hola muchachos! As usual, your hombre-in-chief finds himself surrounded by slackers who can’t be bothered to write a blog article but send prolific essays to our super-secret email list. And the worst offender in this class is clearly Angry Overeducated Catholic. When he isn’t hero-worshipping Dick Cheney, Angry Overeducated Catholic often spends his time as a shameless Republican apologist. Many Republicans are soulless shills for Big Business, and so is AOC most of the time. But when Big Business prolongs it’s existence due to the help of The Evil Government(TM), then AOC strikes out in anger, this time against the insurance industry (because they have been corrupted via The Evil Government)! Ignore AOC’s bizarre fantasy that Republicans actual care a lick about healthcare reform and read the list anyway. As he rightly notes, the insurance industry is a key part of the problem, and he can join Nancy Pelosi in wanting to shaft them whenever possible. Anyway muchachos, enjoy the fun -ANM

Angry Overeducated Catholic

Repealing the tax benefits would seem to be a no brainer, unless of course your actual goal was to increase dependency on insurance (public or private) and basically fully socialize a large percentage of the US economy.

Hmm…

Seriously, if the Dems wanted real reform, it’s not that hard (and much of this has been proposed by the Republicans from day one):

• tort reform limiting the ridiculous liability that forces doctors to pay $200K plus in annual premiums to insurance companies
• providing tax-free medical savings accounts which give people an option for tax free health spending that doesn’t involve insurance companies
• incentivizing catastrophic care insurance which provides a cushion for unexpected crises without sending giant premiums to insurance companies
• limit or repeal the tax advantages which incentivize comprehensive health insurance and enrich insurance companies
• repeal or flatten the patchwork of state regulations which distort local insurance markets and benefit insurance companies by eliminating competition
• generally reduce the state’s role in the health industry, as massive regulation and government involvement always benefit larger corporate players, such as major insurance companies

I can’t help but note that every one of these proposals, viciously opposed by Democrats, would seem to also be opposed by the aforementioned evil insurance companies.

Kinda makes you wonder who their real friends are, doesn’t it?

(Of course the GOP ain’t lily white, but big business and especially small businesses aren’t happy with the insurers on this issue and that means their GOP allies have divided loyalties, at best, from the insurance company perspective. And in reality, the Dems aren’t shills for the insurers either, so much as shills for trial lawyers (1st), unions (2nd, 3rd, 4th), and government (5th, 6th).)

 

The Chairman and The Shepherd

Evidently Mao is the new thing in avant garde Chinese art. Underground exhibitions, keeping heads and bodies of statuary separated, this is some pretty wacky stuff.

My favorite piece (and a favorite of several other Angry Men) is The Execution of Christ by the Gao brothers:

Nothing like a firing squad of Maos executing Jesus

I thought was a interesting commentary on religious freedom in China, with a touch of Picasso’s Guernica, juxtaposed against the patent absurdity of multiple Maos. In a sense, it was in the line of Andy Warhol’s portrait of Mao with rouge and lipstick.

Several other Angry Men also waxed philosophically, witness this dialogue between Angry Overeducated Catholic and Angry Immigrant…

Angry Overeducated Catholic: I like the Mao off by himself: is he doubting the party line, is he afraid to take a life, is he worried Christ is Who He says He is? Or is he just too incompetent to load a rifle, stand in a line, and shoot an unarmed man?

Angry Immigrant: He’s a demagogue, posing with a rifle trying to look tough, but unable to actually look at the consequences of his policies…

Angry Overeducated Catholic: Ah, but I believe the other members of the squad are also Mao…so perhaps Mao has only a small part of his conscience left, which recoils from the consequences of his policies even while powerless to prevent his larger self from carrying them out?

Good stuff, huh? A little philosophical for my blood, but interesting nonetheless.

Angry Military Man, famed wit that he is, one the day. Had little else to say other than Mao More Than Ever. But once saying that, need one say any more?