Angry Military Man Rants

Evidently Mao is the new thing in avant garde Chinese art. Underground exhibitions, keeping heads and bodies of statuary separated, this is some pretty wacky stuff.

My favorite piece (and a favorite of several other Angry Men) is The Execution of Christ by the Gao brothers:

Nothing like a firing squad of Maos executing Jesus

I thought was a interesting commentary on religious freedom in China, with a touch of Picasso’s Guernica, juxtaposed against the patent absurdity of multiple Maos. In a sense, it was in the line of Andy Warhol’s portrait of Mao with rouge and lipstick.

Several other Angry Men also waxed philosophically, witness this dialogue between Angry Overeducated Catholic and Angry Immigrant…

Angry Overeducated Catholic: I like the Mao off by himself: is he doubting the party line, is he afraid to take a life, is he worried Christ is Who He says He is? Or is he just too incompetent to load a rifle, stand in a line, and shoot an unarmed man?

Angry Immigrant: He’s a demagogue, posing with a rifle trying to look tough, but unable to actually look at the consequences of his policies…

Angry Overeducated Catholic: Ah, but I believe the other members of the squad are also Mao…so perhaps Mao has only a small part of his conscience left, which recoils from the consequences of his policies even while powerless to prevent his larger self from carrying them out?

Good stuff, huh? A little philosophical for my blood, but interesting nonetheless.

Angry Military Man, famed wit that he is, one the day. Had little else to say other than Mao More Than Ever. But once saying that, need one say any more?

As a New Yorker by birth, I find it impossible to look at today through any lens except that of New York’s Bravest (for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, I mean the FDNY). Three hundred and forty three heroes met their ends that day trying to save people in the WTC. If anyone were to dare to badmouth the FDNY for their performance that day, any self-respecting New Yorker would punch the jerk right in the face.

Sadly, however, Manhattan on 9/11 has become a mecca for another type of people who need a good punch in the face: Truthers (a name so filled with distortions and lies that it alone makes me want to punch them in the face). The people who are firmly convinced by alien radio signals that 9/11 was a evil plot by the Bush Junta. Now admittedly, Dick Cheney is obviously evil (something even his admirers admit), but even he isn’t that evil. The raw hatred and perversely twisted logic of the 9/11 “Truth” Movement makes me physically ill. Which is why though I seldom agree with Angry Military Man on issues of politics and such, I’m 100% behind the below proposal:

Angry Military Man

Today is 9/11, which means the tinfoil hat wearing truthers are gonna be out in force, especially in Manhattan. Everyone wish Manhattanites our best, they’re gonna need it. I propose skipping the memorial day recommendation for 9/11 and instead make it a national holiday. “9/11 National-Punch-a-Truther-in-the-Face-Day!!!”

[Editor’s Note: Your hombre-in-chief Angry New Mexican here again. Some complaints about some of the military forces the U.S. works with have made their rounds around the Blogosphere recently, so the Angry Men thought it was time to ask their resident expert about those allied forces who stand out from the pack by their sheer badassness. And, so, courtesy of Angry Military Man, we present those who eat terrorists for breakfast (sometimes literally, though of course they get a little touchy when we mention that, so we refrained) -ANM]

South Korean Marine Corps
(ROKMC) ROK Marines make the top of the list not just for being one of the most disciplined, professional, and well trained forces on the planet they also happen to be the scariest mother-fuckers on the planet, not for any special skill, simply because if there was a military version of FEAR Factor they would be the winners every episode. These guys eat agony for a snack and sleep on beds of shattered psyches. So anyone feeling frosty?

Links of note:

The British Corps of Royal Marines
(Royal Marines) are a true special force and thus often humiliate us American Marines on a regular basis (like having a 9 month long boot camp that essentially makes a concentration camp look like a health spa). With oodles of funding and some amazing training they are truly an all around package of top notch quality bundled with professionalism and discipline. I sometimes wonder who is ‘tougher’ Royal Marines or SAS forces (who are better trained but receive more gov’t favor). None of this of course is intended to deride the British regular army. Those crazy Brits, so damn well trained and motivated, yet so poorly equipped.

Links of note:

Columbian Spec Ops and Riverine Forces
that routinely combat the drug lords and random commie militias/guerrillas are some of the bravest most skillful practitioners of their craft that I have ever seen. Think of them as a cross between SEALs meet the partisans of ‘Force 10 from Navarone’ aka kinda ‘Dirty Dozenish’. They’re not the stereotypical image of a clean cut in-step marching soldiers, but does it matter?

Links of note:

Federal Republic of Germany
The Germans have both conscript force of people serving their mandatory service time and a very small group of volunteer professional career military soldiers. The latter force is fucking frightening, seriously they are hard core killing machines, with really amazing equipment. Germany has long been renowned for the quality of the soldiers that their culture can produce (highly disciplined, highly efficient, highly motivated, highly trained, and highly courageous) and though somewhat diluted, those traits still shine through in the Bundeswehr today.

Links of note:

Greece (The Hellenic Republic)
The Hellenic Army likewise runs a mix of conscripts and volunteers. My first impression of them was that they are friggin pack mules. I swear to god I have never seen any army carry so much goddamned weight on every soldier. Their packs must weigh well over 200 pounds!. They are excellent workers, well trained, well motivated, well equipped and not afraid to fight. They also can’t wait to set Turkey afire, and if that time ever comes, they most certainly will be able to.

Links of note:

The Swiss Confederation
The Swiss are friggin scary, invade them and its like Red Dawn except with Delta Force instead of Sheen and Swazy. That’s all I got to say about them.

Links of note:

Kingdom of Saudia Arabia
The Saudis were interesting. Not exactly a true Western powerhouse military, they were very proficient and probably the best equipped military in the world (seriously when they buy American equipment they buy the FULL model with all the bells and whistles the manufacturer designed but the USA couldn’t afford). The Saudi military seems to be able to literally accomplish anything by throwing money at the task as other militaries would use fighting spirit, training, or discipline.

Links of note:

Kuwait has a tiny but very modern military. They are very motivated and disciplined, and make superb allies.

Links of note:

Iraq: Saddam Hussein Edition
The old Iraqi military was a disaster. Essentially it was a medieval society structure with the trappings of 1950’s and 60’s Soviet military technology. In other words a joke. Sergeants job was to beat soldiers into obedience, officers were all social and political appointments, the foot soldiers were all conscripts. Essentially the worst of everything.

Links of note:

Republic of Iraq (current)
The new Iraqi infantry is quite different. Essentially only light infantry, designed to deal with internal security. Their training and motivation however are first class, and in fact during joint patrols at night, when you cant see who is who, one really can not tell who is Iraqi and who was American, their stance and posture was literally that up to snuff. Though some complaints made it to the media, they are far from cowards. It is in fact quite amazing how brave they are.

Links of note:

Federative Republic of Brazil
Brazil is surprisingly modern military in terms of culture, structure, training, discipline, and professionalism (if not always in equipment. They operate a quite effective and quality corps of officers and NCOs stemming from a very large proportion of professional volunteers as compared to conscripts.

Links of note:

[Editor’s Note: Every so often somebody writes something so interesting on our super-secret internal email list that we feel obliged to share it. This time it was a rant on the return of bed bugs of all things. Since Angry Military Man is too busy to post this himself, the duty has fallen to your hombre-in-chief Angry New Mexican. I’ve also included a few select comments by other Angry Men which tickled my funny bone. Enjoy, muchachos!]

Angry Military Man
Bedbugs are real, they are very thin (thinner than a sheet of paper) tiny as bags (width of a full grown adult is about the size of pen dot) that hide away in tiny crevices (like between pages in books), cracks (in the floor/ceiling/wall/electrical wiring) and especially fabric (bedding, box springs, rigs, chairs, etc).

They go several days to weeks between feedings, and each feeding launches them to the next stage of growth (about 7 levels) at which they then begin to breed profusely. The eggs they lay take between 3 days to 3 weeks to hatch. They can go without feeding for over a full year before starving to death, and 4-6 months without oxygen.

They are immune to most all commercial pesticides in use (even Borax). Effectively, only direct contact enzyme killers that eat away the protein exoskeleton, and silica based powders that slice and dice em work. The trouble with all other poisons etc that are residual contact killers is that bedbugs can sense and avoid them… very very well. Roach bombs and fumigation don’t have particles small enough to reach into the cracks where they hide, so only very special nerve gas agents actually work to kill them if you tent a building. The military learned to deal with them in the third world countries by temperature control. Cover a building and raise the internal temperature to above 130 degrees for 12 hours will kill them, as does below freezing (the ENTIRE building) for 6-9 days.

Their one Achilles heel so to speak was DDT. They couldn’t sense it, and even the remotest traces of it killed the fuckers dead in minutes. This is why people think that bedbugs are a myth. For nearly 4 decades America sprayed every damn thing with DDT, which soaks into wood and has the ability to residual kill bedbugs for 30-40 years. So with every building essentially a chemical death trap for the critters, they essentially disappeared. However they existed elsewhere in the third world etc. Once the US banned the use of DDT back in the 70’s the defense against them declined.

Fast forward to modern day, and you get travelers from overseas, who get hitchhikers in their luggage and either bring them home, or bring them to a USA hotel. Being that cleanliness has nothing to do with the bedbugs (it neither draws nor kills nor deters them and in fact apparently encourages the spread of them as they scatter and spread when smelling cleaning agents) almost every single major 4 and 5 star hotel checked by the health departments in NYC, LA, Boston, and SF has tested positive for bedbug infestation in at least some portions of the hotel.

Cities are getting them faster as the article mentions due to used furniture and clothing, but they spread in other ways (physical contact on the streets from person to person in the dense subways). Building to building, and through electrical wiring and plumbing. as well as through used books (they LOVE hiding in between pages). They have also been cropping up in new books (that go through warehouses housing old books) and mattresses (through the delivery vehicles carting off used mattresses next to new ones).

Thankfully they are nothing more than a nuisance unless one is highly allergic. But they are near impossible to get rid off, and truly do take over one’s life.

For those not in the ‘know’ my Brooklyn apartment building got them and though we never got rid of them, I managed to control them in my place so that I went months without a sighting or bite, and when I finally moved I managed to rid myself of them so that they did not follow me. This is very rare and in bedbug support groups I am known as one of the ‘survivor’ stories.

Angry Immigrant
I like nature and all, but I like DDT, too. We need some non-“Silent Spring” hippies to study its actual effects. This is something all non-hippies can get together on. The rich stop being infested with bed-bugs (though the irony of that kind of egalitarian problem amuses me) and the poor stop dying of malaria by the hundreds of millions. DDT – it’s what kept America great for a thousand generations, until the stupid Empire killed it off…

Angry Midwesterner
Well there was one real complaint about DDT, it was killing bald eagles. Bald eagles may be pathetic as hunters, but they sure do look awesome next to the flag. America. Fuck Yeah!

Angry Military Man
I imagine if bedbugs keep spreading as fast as they are, in no time at all we will be repealing DDT laws.

Believe me living in NYC I ran into plenty of hippies/liberals who got the nasty things. A few months of living that life is enough to make even the most hardened leftist shout, “Fuck the bald eagle eggs and spray the strongest shit you got”.

I know — I tried to coax my chemist buddy into making me DDT in her lab, and at one point actually started work on making homemade chlorine gas to ‘fumigate’ my apartment. Luckily common sense over-rode my desire to kill all the biting fuckers and I realized how bad an idea it was. I mean I actually liked most of my neighbors and all.

Saturday Night Live or SNL for short, has been a mainstay of American comedic television for over 30 years. Best known for its inventive original skits superb cast of all star comedic acting talent, it is often remarked that the show quality ebbs and flows over time, an undisputed mainstay throughout its years has been the its political satire sketch comedy such as weekend update . Thus naturally come election years or major news stories they often hit proverbial comedic gold! The mixture of wonderful writing, quality actors, and dialogue typically so close to the real thing it is both frightening to contemplate how poignant the parody but also so funny the audience is left in stitches.

SNL has hit in the past—recall Dana Carvey’s impression of Bush I—but most recently notable have been the instant classic sketches featuringTina Fey portraying Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin in an impression that can only be called ‘uncanny’ in a Palin-Clinton Speech, a Palin-Couric Interview, and the Biden-Palin VP debate (complete with Queen Latifa playing Gwen Ifill). Thus far all three sketches have been major headline news on every network come the following Monday morning, drawing many viewers back to SNL again. Fueling this surge is the high accessibility of recent SNL skits on the internet placed there directly by NBC itself.

On Saturday October 4, 2008 SNL presented a skit titled “Washington Approves the Bailout” focusing on many of the ludicrous aspects of the current economic situation. The sketch instantly became a hit with links to the official NBC posting of the video appearing all over the web almost immediately. Then suddenly chaos ensued. Withing a matter of hours on a lazy Sunday mid-day as citizens awoke and checked their digital communications, countless numbers clicked on links sent by a friend, family member, or co-worked promising a hilarious video, only to be met with a cryptic message that the sketch was no longer available and apologizing for the inconvenience. Instantly as the so commonly do, conspiracy theories began to run wild. For two days one in the know would hear every theory from space aliens to the illuminati. Then finally on Tuesday afternoon the truth broke and a now far less funny, edited version was put back up on the internet by NBC. Unfortunately for the American public, the truth was far more sinister than Martians or Free Mason wannabes. The truth was that NBC lawyers had pulled the sketch. Though NBC officially did not mention this in their statement:

“Upon review, we caught certain elements in the sketch that didn’t meet our standards. We took it down and made some minor changes and it will be back online soon.”

Apparently the sketch’s portrayal of Herb and Marion Sandler was considered a liability since it pointed out their acts of corrupting US Government officials and their severe culpability in the current financial meltdown affecting the US. Additionally as a faux C-SPAN video SNL had a chyron on-screen text shown below the Sandler lookalikes that would normally serve to identify the subject on-screen stating: “Herbert & Marion Sandler: People who should be shot”. Supposedly this is to be part of the basis of the video edit, as it may be misconstrued as a death threat to some people and/or offensive.

Now this is not the first time that SNL has turned against one of its funniest components. Norm MacDonald was fired from his stellar and unparalleled stint as the anchor of the weekend update sketch for making too many side splitting hilarious OJ Simpson jokes. Do not worry if you are confused, you are not alone. Many fans and casual watchers alike have asked themselves why a comedian would be fired for raising a dieing show’s ratings by making hysterical jokes at the expense of a public figure who is himself, well…. a joke. The answer was unfortunately the same then as it is in now in the case of the Bailout Sketch: NBC Cronyism and Politically Correct Cowardice.

Thus an entire American populace is left one step closer to an Orwellian Nightmare in which our right to speech and thought even as basic as humor is subject to regulation by the State at the whims of the ruling oligarchical elite. That is unless a line is drawn in the proverbial sand, saying “This far and no further”. For those looking to stand up and fight back by saying “NO!” to the tyranny of the minority, by saying “NO!” to those who would tell you how to think and how to laugh; stand up and wave the banner of Free Thought high in the sky. Spread the UNEDITED VERSION as far and wide as you can. Show it to your parents, siblings, spouse, grandparents, cousins, friends, co-workers, and to anyone you possibly can. The sketch is downright hilarious to anyone with a single drop of a sense of humor in their entire body, and (based on the talk of the town prior to the pulling and editing of the video) the quote “people who should be shot” is one of the most memorable gems of the bit. So much so in fact that to one who has seen the original, the edited version leaves one feeling quite dissatisfied. Make sure that the memories of original version Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night! Together it is possible to prevent NBC from pulling a Lucas on this classic!

Ultimately it is a matter of “How dare NBC!?!”. How DARE they back off from calling a spade a spade? How dare they a non-news organization try to hold themselves to a journalistic standard when speaking about the rich and powerful whom have destroyed people’s lives (some figuratively others literally)? How dare they back down from vilifying scumbags who wrecked the entire world economy so that they could glean a few extra shiny nickels! To paraphrase from one SNL’s own skits, I invite them to grow a pair, and if they can’t, I will lend you mine. So in case anyone else is looking to make a bumper sticker or t-shirt:

...because NBC doesn't have the juevos!

...because NBC doesn't have the juevos!

While I was driving across a bridge I happened across this incredibly awesome troll!

Bumper Sticker

…and when my messiah talked about change he meant turning water into wine!