LONDON (AFP) – A man close to Prime Minister Gordon Brown, going only by the name “John Smith” has announced to the world that this is President Cheney’s last chance before his utter annihilation. Mr. Smith remarked as follows:

“I address the Aphrilotexans, and their leader Che’ney, according to convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation. If I might observe, you infiltrated this civilization by means of warped, shunt technology. So, may I suggest, with the greatest respect, that you shunt off? I give you one last chance. I can find you a planet. I can find you a place in the universe to coexist. Take that offer and end this now. Fail to do that and you will only be bringing your end upon yourselves.”

President Cheney’s spokescheney at the White House had only one comment: “Go f@#$ yourself, Doctor,” and placed US forces on DEFCON 1.

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