LONDON (AFP) – Responding to recent statements by the self-proclaimed “The One True President” of the United States, Dick Cheney, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown held a press conference at Westminster. Here are his remarks in full:
“Members of Parliament and Citizens of the World. A few hours ago, Dick Cheney’s clone army seized control of the White House and the American Presidency. President Obama was injured during the attack, but escaped due to the assistance of a friend and ally of the British Crown. He is currently in London recuperating, wishing that I had a Region 1 DVD player to play those DVDs he gave me the other month. Sadly, nobody in Mr. Obama’s office seemed to realize that the UK is in Region 2 and now I’m stuck with useless DVDs. Well, Mr. Obama can meditate on that for a while he’s watching Are You Being Served reruns.
As for Mr. Cheney and his army, they are from an alien species known only as Aphrilotexans and they are not friendly to the human race. Don’t ask me how I know this, but I am quite certain this is true. They are armed and very dangerous and have a penchant for excessive shotgun usage and public executions. And they drink the blood of the living, just to be clear.
To the American people, I have but one message: We stand together. Lucky for us that’s several thousand miles away.
God save the Queen. God save us all.”