Lately, it has been hard not to notice that a good number of financial institutions have either gone under, or been forced to merge with other institutions before they failed.

So what are we to do? I’ve decided, strictly as a public service, to offer up my services as the Angry Libertarian CEO. First let’s look at how much Reuters reports some of the other, professional and highly trained silver back CEOs took home:

Company Reuters reported CEO Compensation (USD)
Merrill Lynch 17,307,600
Wells Fargo 12,568,900
National City 3,419,170
Washington Mutual 18,000,000

Do I have the primate skills that the silver back CEOs of the above have? The firm handshake, the steady gaze, the reassuring pat on the shoulder? The Ivy League MBA? The full head of slightly silver hair? The connections? Nope. Not a chance in Hell.

But what I do offer is a much, much lower draw. For only $1,000,000 I’ll drive your company into the ground like a bird that just hit the side of a skyscrapper.

Oh, one other thing I almost forgot — the compensation needs to be in cash up front. No stock options or checks please.