In a last-minute effort to get out the vote, John McCain has launched his most aggressive effort yet to woo undecided voters: he’s contracted to have Dick Cheney shoot them in the face if they don’t vote McCain. Speaking at a union hall in Ohio, Senator McCain announced, “Friends. I know some of you are still undecided as to whether to vote for me, a war hero with a long distinguished record, or Senator Obama, who has a resume as vacuous as Paris Hilton’s brain. I know you all still love America, but Senator Obama’s blatant attempt to buy the election with non-stop informercials paid for by his rich lobbyist friends has gotten you confused. Let me make this clear. Vote for me or Dick Cheney will shoot you in the face. The Vice President has nothing else to do after the election and instead of shooting lawyers while duck hunting, he will go and shoot each and every one of you in the face, understand? Now vote for me.”
Unofficial exit polls are showing McCain 3-5% ahead of Obama largely due to McCain’s new “Vote or Face Cheney” effort.