Every so often something from our ultra-secret internal mailing list is so riotously hillarious, that we feel the need to share. Today is one of those days

Angry Immigrant
Now for something completely different: 14 tons of om nom nom nom nom

Angry Overeducated Catholic
Man, in the old days, this wouldn’t have been a problem at all. Give it 2, 3 hours tops, and the Cookie Monster would be out there hoovering up all those tasty cookies. The road would be clear in no time…

But now, ever since the treatments and drugs to convince him that cookies are a “sometimes food,” he’s just a scrawny, twitchy, frightened, confused shadow of his former self…

Poor, poor, Cookie Monster…

Angry New Mexican
So who exactly sent the Cookie Monster to Abu Ghraib anyway? 🙂

Angry Overeducated Catholic
It’s a common misperception that Cookie Monster was “re-educated” by a secret cabal of the U.S. Government (or accidentally due to a paperwork error involving a number of overweight Al Qaeda operatives). The tragic reality is that it was the Holistic Whole-Earth Homeopathic Healing Center in Berkeley. At the (probably innocent) suggestion of Big Bird, Cookie Monster had checked into the center to deal with some moderate weight gain issues related to Internet sales of Mrs. Fields cookies.

He disappeared for six months.

When he returned, he was a 40% of his former weight, a shattered wreck psychologically and would interject random statements about nutrition (“cookies are sometimes food—but only carob cookies”, “organic food important, but cruelty-free food more important”, “every time you touch corn syrup Gaia scream in pain”) and the environment (“Gaia shudder under touch of rapemaster Cheney”, “human footprint like kick to Gaia’s head”, “earth like big, friendly dog, gentle and kind…humans like fleas—should be exterminated!”)

Apparently, his lines are now largely dubbed on Sesame Street, as his first few unedited appearances terrified the child audience, and apparently led to a few being permanently committed…

But, hey, man, it’s all for Gaia, so it’s good!

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