If I had to designate a single political philosophy as truly toxic to the idea of America, the answer would be easy: it’s libertarianism. What you say? Isn’t America founded on libertarian ideals? And I’d answer, if you think that, you’ve obviously been drinking Kool-Aid with Michael Badnarik and Ron Paul. While we can agree to disagree about whether libertarianism, radical Islam, Pat Roberson or Richard Dawkins represents the largest threat to 21st century America, I’m sure we can all agree that the idea I’m about to explain is truly stupid. That being said, I fully expect Ron Paul’s bat-shit insane disciples to comment in droves about how I’m wrong. Fortunately, most Ron Paul worshipers are as logically inconsistent as he is, so refuting their arguments should be trivial.

As far as I can tell, libertarianism’s first commandment is “I shalt do what I will with my property.” Some libertarians insist there’s an addendum, “So long as it doesn’t harm yours,” but that appears to exist more in theory than practice. Regardless, if the right to private property is fundamental idea behind libertarianism, then one would expect that a libertarian utopia would hold that idea to be sacrosanct. But if you’d think that, you’d be assuming that libertarians have significantly more consistent logic than they actually do in real life.

Witness Paulville. With the slogan “Like minded people, coming together!” it sounds much more like a socialist paradise than anything that aligns itself with libertarian ideas. And that’s because it is. Rather than providing for each man to do what he might wish with his property and think as he wishes, Paulville’s advertised goal is, “to establish gated communities containing 100% Ron Paul supporters.” That sounds like the sort of ideological conformity that would make Joe Stalin happy!

But it gets better. To enforce the Church of Paul, they use their secret weapon — denying the individual the right to own land! Seriously, they write, “The process is forming a co-op of people… and these people would be granted land use… The community would be privately held by the co-op.” That’s right, in America, anyone can own land. In Paulville, nobody can own land, only the community can. Libertarians turn communist to enforce conformity of thought.

With that mind-destroying episode of libertarian double-think, I’ll leave my beloved readers to have a good day. If you live in America, then enjoy freedom. If you live in Paulville, then I hope that you enjoy your enslavement.

Special thanks to Mildly Piqued Academician for finding this gem of the internet.