This is a special section of the 12 Angry Men Blog where we celebrate the best Troll to be found anywhere during the past week. While there are many varieties of troll, ranging from the fuzzy-haired dashboard decorations to the waylayer of the Billy Goats Gruff, we enjoy a well-executed jabbing that leaves an adversary stammering for a response. Any moron can produce a flame—mere sewage dumped upon the city square—but to produce a good Troll is a work worthy of the celebration of men.

The Troll of the Week segment will be written frequently enough to be termed “periodic”, but the actual label “of the week” is merely idealistic ambition, and it is not to be taken seriously.

This week’s winner of Troll of the Week is going international. A first for us here at the angry man blog. We wish to recognize an individual who has truly gone were no troll has gone before… bringing the wonderful world of internet insults mud-slinging, and occasional respondent legal ramifications (not to mention threats of physical harm) to the heart of a community of monks.

Context of the Troll:
China and Japan have long been natural enemies at the best of times and hostile beyond human capacity at the worst. Tensions between the two nations have been strained over the past 60 years, as China feels that Japan has not been suitably apologetic for atrocities committed during the Second World War. This also makes China a bit temperamental about anything seen as overtly aggressive or militaristic in Japanese behavior. One issue that typical meets these criteria is the realm of Martial Arts. Both nations hold powerful national pride attached to their homegrown fighting styles.

Execution of the Troll:
Last week an internet user identified only as “Five Minutes Every Day” posted a comment on the “Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community”. In his post he claimed that a Japanese Ninja visited The Shaolin Temple to challenge the monks there to combat and that the monks with their Kung Fu were unable to defeat the Ninja.

“The facts that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain.”

The entire Chinese nation was outraged, and the monks, eager to defend their honor quickly took action. That is correct, they got a lawyer and are suing the post’s author. Wait you say? A lawyer?!? This can not be Grasshopper!!! No cryptic Kosh-esque statement about the truth pointing to itself, or understanding being a three edged sword?!? No Caine/Master Po wisdom about patience and harmony?!? While the story could be completed right then and there, as most such stories would, it in fact continues on in its hilarity.

The author had written the post in an attempt to satirize the monastery and its head monk for not living up to the ideals and image that they foster and perpetuate (most notably that the order’s leader has his own chauffeur driven car). In a supreme irony, the monks response essentially proved his point, while at the same time demonstrating that same decadent legalism that China vilifies the West for. A two for one deal; not bad “Five Minutes Every Day”. Though trolling a bunch of monks, nay the Shaolin Temple itself, is worthy of song and herald into the halls of the legendary trolls, this was still not yet enough for “Five Minutes Every Day”. These statements led to the following responses which only serve to hurt the position of those making them:

“The so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the Internet user to apologize to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did,” -Lawyer for the Shaolin Temple, cited in the Beijing News

Yes, yes, we all know how they feel about free speech in China. For crimethink they would love to make “Five Minutes Every Day” an unperson.

“It is not only extremely irresponsible behavior with respect to the Shaolin temple and its monks, but also to the whole martial art and Chinese nation” -Shaolin Monks cited in Beijing News

Is this a bad time for a “my kung fu is better than your’s” comment?

In a fantastic one-two combo troll, the author used a favorite troll tactic and posted a fake apology/second troll:

“What I wrote was fiction. I apologize to Shaolin Temple and all my readers….I hope that the Shaolin masters will exercise their Buddhist compassion and virtue, and forgive me. Thank you very much.”

“..Buddhist compassion and virtue, forgive me.” Classic, simply classic, way to subtly insult while on the surface back pedal and all the while maneuver them into a corner that they must accept the half-assed fake apology to save face. I owe you a beer!

Here is hoping that the Ask a Ninja is looking forward to killing the Shaolin lawyer soon. Mc Shaolin, it seems that you have met your match in the keyboard warriors. Long live the parody and comedy. I personally vote for Chuck!

Internetz Honor

For this inspired troll, “Five Minutes Every Day” is awarded the coveted Troll of the Week, and will receive an honorary beer at the Man Lunch. In addition to beer I personally owe you for the entertainment you offered. Any Shaolin Monks wishing to sue “Five Minutes Every Day” for the honor of said beer might find that once done, this beer much like their actions would then be without honor.