Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time once again to put on our tinfoil hats. If you don’t already have one, you’re in luck! For just $12.95 you can own a professionally designed and constructed tinfoil hat! For those looking to protect themselves from the orbital mind control lasers on the cheap, the manufacturers have provided us with simple and easy instructions for homemade versions. Just make sure you do it right because this time, it is serious!
Before I get into the Conspiracy Theory of the Moment ™, let me take a moment to say that I am a huge fan of money. No not in the traditional sense of “I wish I had more of it”, but in the sense that I appreciate currency for its beauty. As my fellow Angry Men can attest to, I use two dollar bills, dollar coins, and fifty cent coins with reckless abandon. I see them as being a beautiful part of our country’s heritage and as masterful works of art which should be appreciated and used for their intended purposes. Naturally I was excited to find out that the dollar coin would be getting a face lift along with a special series honoring the Presidents of our glorious Union.
I was dismayed, however, to find that there was something very sinister about the new dollar coins, a purposeful omission which suggests a dark and shady conspiracy the likes of which the world has never known. I submit the following images, from the US Mint’s website, for your inspection.
If you look closely you will notice that the word “Liberty” does not appear anywhere on the coin in question. While many have complained about the placement of the mottos “E Pluribus Unum” and “In God We Trust” on the edge of the new dollar coin, far more shocking and alarming is the absence of the word “Liberty”. Every coin prior to the new one dollar coin has borne the word “Liberty”, and rightfully so—the ideal of Liberty is at the core of the American belief system and is the foundation upon which the documents which define our country are built.
Now the US Treasury claims that “Liberty” should be self evident, given the presence of the Statue of Liberty, but Lady Liberty has graced our coinage before and always with the word “Liberty”. Take for example, the platinum proof coins issued by the US Mint since 1997. All bear the face of Liberty, and the word “Liberty” as well.
In the case of these platinum coins, we even see the Statue of Liberty, portrayed much as it is on the current dollar coins, unmistakeable, yet still the designers and politicians responsible for the coin understood the necessity of placing the word “Liberty” on the coin.
If this isn’t enough evidence, note the silver and gold proof coins, both minted by the US government since 1986, and both containing images of Lady Liberty and the word “Liberty”. Obviously previous generations of politicians disagreed with the current crop who decided to wipe “Liberty” off the face of our dollar coins. They understood that as one of the founding principles of our system of government, Liberty could not be emphasized enough.
Now others may decline to see the obvious sinister undertones of a Congress which suspends our rights in the name of supposed safety, and violates the Constitution in the name of security, ignoring the wise words of founding father Ben Franklin who once said “Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.” They might even claim that this was obviously just a design choice, and not one which threatens the very foundation of our political system. But given that they have now removed “Liberty” from its deserved prominent place on our coinage, I myself am going to invest in a tinfoil hat; besides, I think I look good in tin!