Throughout the history of this blog, I’ve tried to defend the Bush Administration where I thought they were under unfair attack. I’ve even made light of the righteous purity and increidble heroism of the Democrats. Now, I feel only the deepest shame and guilt. I have been so wrong.

Recently, while trying to gather information for an upcoming rant, I came across a website purporting to give “the real truth” behind what happened on 9-11. Expecting the standard rehash of stupid conspiracy theories, I was utterly unprepared for what I found. Absolute, incontrovertible proof that Karl Rove is personally responsible for every evil act committed by Americans. Yes, personally responsible. For. Every. Single. One.

It’s incredible, I know, but it’s true. The website is long gone, of course. The rumor is that Karl Rove personally execute the webmaster in a special ceremony for the Skull and Bones central committee. In a past life I would have laughed at that, but now I know it’s all too likely. Fortunately, I had cached the pages and will now, at great personal risk, reprint the key images below, so that you can know the truth that I know: Karl Rove is not merely one evil Republican among many, but the singular source of American evil in this age—and every age.

Karl Rove present as Indians are given smallpox-laden blankets.
Bad, Rove, bad!!!

Karl Rove present at “negotiations” with Indians, in which they gave away their land to white invaders.
Oh, Rove, no!!!

Karl Rove present at the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, the one true Republican and secular messiah of Illinois.
Damn it, Rove, he’s a Republican!

Karl Rove watches as Jack Ruby eliminates Osward.
Rove, stop, just stop!

Karl Rove advises Reagan on how to survive the Iran-Contra crisis.Whew, this one isn’t too bad…

Karl Rove, Sen. Kerry and Sen. Harkin pledge their support to Nicaraguan dictator Manuel Ortega. (Rove played both sides in the Iran-Contra deal to ensure maximum casualties on all sides.)
Oh, no, Rove, not the Commies!

Karl Rove and American Ambassador Glaspie urge Saddam Hussein to invade Kuwait.
Saddam was right, you did trick him!  Darn you Rove!!!

And, by far, the worst:

Karl Rove meets with Osama bin Ladin to coordinate the 9-11 attacks.
What, no!  Not with Osama.  That’s it, Rove, we’re done!!!

As you can clearly see, Karl Rove is hardly the mild mannered family man he claims to be. He isn’t even the evil Republican mastermind of spin and rigging elections the Democrats claim him to be. No, he’s the unique human manifestation of American evil, who lives in every age to bring misery and suffering to the world, American Style!

And I, Angry Overeducated Catholic can no longer take it. I can’t be party to this hideous evil. So I now pledge my faith to the stawalt defenders of truth, justice, and the American Way—the Democrats. Because protected by their clever masquerade of pork-barrel politics and foreign policy which assumes our enemies are sweetness and light, they are gathering forces to oppose the true evil of our times: Karl Rove.

Advertisements