This is a special section of the 12 Angry Men Blog where we celebrate the best Troll to be found anywhere that week. While there are many varieties of troll, ranging from the fuzzy-haired dashboard decorations to the waylayer of the Billy Goats Gruff, we enjoy a well-executed jabbing that leaves an adversary stammering for a response. Any moron can produce a flame—mere sewage dumped upon the city square—but to produce a good Troll is a work worthy of the celebration of men.

The Troll of the Week segment will be written frequently enough to be termed “periodic”, but the actual label “of the week” is merely idealistic ambition, and it is not to be taken seriously.

Our inaugural Troll of the Week, while deserving of every laud and honor, had one terrible flaw: it was too good. For long we searched for a troll worthy of following it, and came to despair. But now our despair has lifted and joyous happiness reigns once more, for our prayers/wishes/existential musings on the absurdity of life have been answered. Into our hands have been delivered not one, but two most excellent trolls.

Context and Execution of Trolls:

In 1984, Apple Computer, seeking a truly innovative way to launch their Macintosh line and promote its “Think Different” tagline, came up with a remarkable commercial. Wonderously unorthodox, it was brilliant—but then lost to the film vaults as the years passed it by, studied only by advertising students and other morally dubious types. Then came the 2008 Presidential campaign (beginning, as these things do, in late 2006).

Captured by the messianic fervor of Obamaism, and horrified at the rise of the Antichrist, Phil De Vellis (aka parkridge47), a card-carrying Democrat and wageslave at the left-of-center Internet stategy group Blue State Digital, received inspiration from on high, looked deep in the past, took a Sunday afternoon (and a Mac), and created the definitive political statement of our time:

The truest sign of the awesome power of this fine troll is the swift response of the servants of the Witch Queen of Chappaqua. Though they have now forced this noble troll into the light of day, and ripped from him his very livelihood, they cannot deny the power and grandeur of the work he has wrought.

Truly, Mr. De Villis, a troll for the ages…

For this most excellent troll, Phil De Vellis is awarded a co-Troll of the Week, and will receive an honorary beer at the Man Lunch. If he still needs work, he may rest assured that there are many places in the nation’s heartland that can still take a joke. Perhaps he should seek his fortune in the land of the Blessed One himself…

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Yet, even as all this was unfolding, another mighty mind watched with growing rage and jealousy at another phenomena sweeping the nation. Seething with rage at this unjust depiction of an unfortunate incident which befell the armed forces of his nation a mere 2487 years ago, Javad Shamaqdari took up pen and issued forth his challenge:

While some might pause before launching into a tirade about a movie created from a comic book loosely interpreting an ancient battle, this brave Immortal strode forth to do verbal battle with the vicious Spartans of Hollywood. He was not deterred by their fierce array of publicists, nor by the terrible “cultural authorities” which guided their hand, nor by the inconvenient actions of his own government’s blood-drenched puppets.

Some may point to the hypocrisy of whining about plundering history while engaged in a project to rewrite history. Or of whining about a dramatic portrayal of Persian deaths while funding actual Jewish and American deaths. Or even that of protesting stereotyping while working for a government engaging in the crudest possible forms of the same. But a true troll lets none of these dissuade him.

And whatever else he might be, Mr. Shamaqdari is a troll without peer. So we salute you, Javad Shamaqdari, for refusing to allow logic, prudence, or restraint limit your right of free expression. We, unlike your own society, celebrate your right to offend us—especially when you do it which such absolute blindness to the irony of it all!

For this trollish response to a simple Hollywood movie, Javad Shamaqdari is awarded a co-Troll of the Week, and will receive an honorary beer at the Man Lunch. He will not drink it, we suppose, but we suggest he could extend his efforts to rewrite irritating history to eliminate those pesky prohibitions in the Quran.